So, here I am working on my day to day routine for some purpose.
It has everything to do with my future. For a better, happier and exciting journey of life. Taking notes from the successful people and punishing myself to become like them. All of the day goes this way.
Well now, I dream of nothing, really nothing. I just don't have the confidence to even dream big. There is a huge gap between me and that imaginary me which I wanted to become.
A great man said that progress is impossible without change. The "change" which can evoke the feelings of courage, discipline, hard work and achieving my goals. I had a goal of becoming a game developer, but I often let myself down by my ridiculous habits. Dreams and goals are very different words; I am exceptionally late to understand this concept. This inertia which is letting me down regularly has a reason for me functioning in such a way. My dreams never really became my goals. It were just for presenting to others. My wishes never converted to will. I feel like I never lived a true story.
Tough situations are waiting for me. I lied to my younger self, and every lie incurs a debt to the truth, sooner or later, that debt has to be paid. This existence is a very big thing, yet for some reason it never looked this way. I feel like being stuck in my own labyrinth, trying to escape desperately; using the future to escape the present. My heart isn't hopeless, it is extremely disappointed. This night of discouragement is lengthening.
According to astronomy, when you wish upon a star, you are actually a few million years late. Those stars are dead, just like your dreams. That's why dreams should be kept secret; passing its way to a goal is better. Despair will always find its way towards me. So its better to dwell upon this cruel life.
Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple. If we find ourselves with a desire that nothing can satisfy, the most probable explanation is that we were made for another world. Elon Musk, like all of us, was very afraid of the dark when he was a little kid. Later he found out that dark just means the absence of photons in the visible light and his fear went away. This fear is similar to mine, not in a materialistic way, but in a holistic way. My focus goes away and the fear creeps in.
Those "hopes" require solitude. The solitude is like a home for me, even in the midst of very unfamiliar circumstances, I find all my paths. We're born alone, we die alone, between this journey we create the illusion for a moment that we're are not alone. In solitude I read books. Sometimes, I read a book, it fills in me this weird evangelical zeal that I become convinced that the shattered world will never be put back together unless all living humans read and understand that book. This point of view creates various anatomies of life inside me.
I began writing and eventually it were out of context. This normal write-up is zilch, but just a collection of perspectives I had over the years. I hope it treated you with comfort.
